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RTE present Joe Duffy with woman from Clontarf to mark his retirement

Joe Duffy today signed off on his last episode of Liveline after 26 years presenting the Radio 1 show, and RTE colleagues gave him an incredible present to mark his send off.

The long running phone in show is famed for giving the people of Ireland a platform to drone on at length about any old trivial nonsense, with women from Clontarf making up the bulk of callers.

And now Duffy has his own personal woman from Clontarf to accompany him into retirement.

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Local shopkeeper claims to have sold winning EuroMillions ticket, demands photo of him drinking champagne

A local shopkeeper has come forward claiming to have sold the EuroMillions ticket that landed the €250m jackpot in Tuesday’s draw.

Sheamie O’ Shame (71), proprietor of Shame’s Corner Shop, told DTTN, he was certain he’d sold the winning ticket on the morning of the draw.

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Trump watches Mean Girls, says Iran needs to stop trying to make Fetch happen

US President Donald Trump has told Iran’s supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei to stop trying to make fetch happen and that if he continues he may just have to take him out.

The threat comes after The Melon Felon watched the cult 2024 film Mean Girls as part of his 79th birthday celebrations.

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Netanyahu – Israel will continue Cobra Kai approach to warfare

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has said that his country will continue to strike first against their enemies in an attempt to keep peace in the Middle East.

“Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy is the motto of Cobra Kai,” said Netanyahu. “And I admire those principles. In many ways they are a modern take on Sun Tzu’s Art of War. Tehran, and anyone else who displeases us, needs to understand that Israel is the cobra and they will be struck.”

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Trump calls for US citizens to embrace ICE

As protests over immigration raids continue in Los Angeles and other parts of the US, President Donald Trump has called for citizens to embrace a love of ICE.

“I see so many on our streets saying they don’t want ICE,” said Trump. “I don’t get it, folks. We’re in June, a great month for American summers. And what better way to cool down in the heat than with a nice fountain soda, with ICE? These people who want warm soda, which I’m only hearing about now, are clearly communists.

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Trump reveals Arsenal fandom: ‘They’re just like me’

US President Donald Trump has today surprisingly revealed that he is a big fan of perennial Premier League bridesmaids Arsenal.

“Arsenal are a great team, incredible team. Just like me they’ve suffered from fake news saying they’re not the best, but they surely are, folks.

Their manager, Mikel, just like me, but hair not so beautiful, he knows what it’s like to be persecuted for being so good, for so much winning. They say other teams are winners but it’s just not true.

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Medical experiments & empty burger buns: Inside Manchester United’s increasingly desperate cost cutting measures

Following last night’s Europa League final defeat to Spurs, Manchester United’s football overlord ‘Brexit’ Jim Ratcliffe has announced a new raft of sweeping cuts to compensate for the club missing out on a Champion’s League qualification windfall.

“We couldn’t even beat a meme side like Spurs,” said Brexit Jim. “We’re the meme now, but memes don’t pay the bills.”

Luke Shaw, whose own goal cost United the match, and goalkeeper Andre Onana, so beloved by opposition fans, are understood to be the first players being sold to Pfizer for unspecified medical experiments.

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Local woman regrets getting eyes in back of her head

A local woman has admitted she regrets getting surgery to have eyes inserted into the back of her head.

Noseen O’Neill (39), who had Ireland’s first ‘eyectomy’ performed by controversial surgeon Dr. Nick Riviera, thought the procedure would be “handy for watching the kids when I’m busy, or watching Coronation Street and Eastenders at the same time.”

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