Satirical Irish News
The global economy has been left reeling this week after Donald Trump completed his school project of creating random tariff rates for every country he knows the name of, and some he doesn’t.
The US President proudly displayed his tariff board at a White House press conference, with Trump staffers confirming that the Melon Felon cut out all the numbers by himself and didn’t even ask a grown-up help him use the scissors.
Continue reading “World cowers as Trump discovers how numbers work”
Concerns have been raised by international aid organisations as convicted sex offenders met in The White House this St. Patrick’s Day.
The alarm comes as former UFC fighter and sex offender Conor McGregor travelled to Washington to meet former reality TV star and sex offender Donald Trump.
Continue reading “Concerns raised as Irish and American sex offenders meet in White House”
Not content with disrupting Dail proceedings for weeks by wanting to be both government and opposition, the four TDs comprising the Regional Independent Technical Group have now wrought chaos at a local wedding.
Michael Lowry, Barry Heneghan, Danny Healy-Rae and Gillian Toole turned up uninvited to the ceremony and when asked if they were with the bride or groom claimed both and stood four abreast in the middle of the church aisle, blocking the wedding party from passing.
Continue reading “Regional Independent TDs cause chaos at local wedding”
Tanaiste Simon Harris today showed real gumption and leadership by claiming that the State will “robustly push back” against any additional cost demands by the developer of the mythical National Children’s Hospital.
The hospital, which been under construction by contractors BAM! since 2016, at a cost of over €2 billion is now due to fully open in 2026, meaning a child conceived when the first spade went into the ground would now be close to completing primary school.
Continue reading “Government bravely stands up to children’s hospital contractor after only nine years and €2 billion costs”
It’s been two weeks since Storm Éowyn hit the country and more than 25,000 homes are still without power.
Parts of Galway, Mayo and Roscommon have been worst hit, and there have been calls for compensation to be paid for affected customers.
However, one local man is revelling in his temporary electricity free life.
Continue reading “Local man doesn’t want power back anytime soon”
A local historian has made national headlines after being awarded the title of Ireland’s most boring man.
Ken Roman (67), who specialises in the history of refuse collection, won the poll conducted by Banter.ie after being nominated by his drinking buddies down the local.
Continue reading “Local bin historian voted as Ireland’s most boring man”
There were extraordinary scenes in Leinster House yesterday with Dail proceedings suspended several times as four regional TDs who were part of government formation talks, believed they should be allowed form an ‘opposition’ technical group.
Naturally, this drew outrage from the actual opposition. However, the foursome have hit back by releasing individual statements to the media.
Continue reading ““Like having chips and rice with your curry” – regional independent TDs fight back”
Ireland is set to have a functioning government, a mere eight weeks after the 2024 election with the Regional Independent group propping up Fianna Fail and Fine Gael.
It is understood that Paranoid Android Simon Harris and Micheal ‘Mr. Personality’ Martin have made a number of concessions to the independent group including:
Continue reading “Roads fixed for all – inside the regional independents deal for government”
Life is returning to normal in Ireland after the orange ice and snow warnings of the past week.
Thousands around the country were without power, water or unable to leave their homes due to the ice. As they re-emerge blinking into the light, one local man wishes the ice never left.
Continue reading “Local introvert feeling anxious as cold snap ends”
Sofa lover JD Vance is to step down as the Vice-Presidential candidate on the Trump ticket with immediate effect, it has been announced.
Vance, whose passion for soft furnishings is legendary, is to take up a new role in the couch department of retail giant IKEA.
Continue reading “Vance steps down from Trump ticket, takes role at IKEA”