Entertainment

December 8, 2023December 8, 2023

Conor McGregor to record new version of Fairytale of New York

Ireland’s future President Conor McGregor is to record a new version of Fairytale of New York.

The former UFC fighter made the announcement on the day that beloved Pogues’ frontman Shane MacGowan was laid to rest in Nenagh.

“Shane MacGowan was a proper fucking Irishman. Like myself he had his rough edges, but the soul of a fucking poet. That’s why I’m honouring him and all the other great fucking Irishmen that came before him by releasing my own version of Fairytale.

March 17, 2023March 17, 2023

Johnny Sexton to become next Late Late Show host

Ireland rugby captain Johnny Sexton is set to succeed Ryan Tubridy as the host of The Late Late Show, DTTN understands.

The surprise appointment is sure to put a few noses out of joint at Montrose, but Sexton appears to be relishing the challenge.

October 6, 2022October 6, 2022

Truss and Kwarteng to appear on Eat Well for Less

UK Prime Minister Liz Truss and Chancellor for the Exchequer Kwasi Kwarteng are to appear on the new series of Eat Well for Less, the BBC has announced.

The show, hosted by Chris Bavin and Jordan Banjo, helps families across the UK save money by examining their grocery spend and cooking from scratch.

September 11, 2022September 11, 2022

Garth Brooks gigs to ignite 2023 birth rate explosion

Country superstar Garth Brooks is in the midst of a five night residency at Croke Park. And Data Scientists from UCD are predicting that the singer will be sending fans home with more than a smile and a Stetson.

With 400,000 fans in attendance, the gigs are the nation’s greatest collective event since Pope John Paul II graced The Phoenix Park in 1979. The Pope’s visit resulted in a spike in child births nine months later, and according to UCD boffins the summer of 2023 could see similar results.

March 13, 2022March 13, 2022

E! names Zelensky as best dressed leader

Entertainment network E! has named Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky as the best dressed leader in the current Russia-Ukraine conflict.

The network, the single greatest continuous inanity in human history, bestowed the honour on OMG Ukraine!, an hour long special discussing the war.

January 15, 2022January 15, 2022

Johnson to release cover of Fight for your Right

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is somehow still clinging to power despite doing more dodgy shit than every character from The Sopranos combined

Johnson is facing overwhelming public condemnation for multiple lockdown breaching Downing Street parties. And in a stunning statement the PM has turned the tables by launching a scathing attack on his critics.

December 12, 2021December 12, 2021

Boris Johnson to host re-launched Noel’s House Party

British Prime Minister is to host a new version of popular 90’s show Noel’s House Party, the BBC has announced.

The news comes following revelations that Johnson attended a number of lockdown flouting Downing Street shindigs last December, including a table quiz he hosted.

November 30, 2021November 30, 2021

Guantanamo’s fresh horror: the Ed Sheeran method

The United States military prison in Guantanamo Bay has long been a source of controversy, with suspected terrorists are routinely subject to torture and indefinite detention,

However, new reports detail a fresh horror greater than anything Guantanamo has previously seen: Ed Sheeran.

November 26, 2021November 26, 2021

Septic tank and ice cream van to feature in new series of Cheap Irish Homes

RTE’s hit property show Cheap Irish Homes is to return for a new series, and is getting even more extreme in the spaces it’s offering to potential home owners.

The show, presented by Maggie Molloy, offers first time buyers alternative budget routes onto the property ladder as they consider neglected cottages, old schools and post offices.

November 2, 2021November 3, 2021

Films with Dion Hegarty – No Time to Die

James Bond is back. And I couldn’t give a shit.

The above was the review I originally submitted to the DTTN editor, but he sent me back to the cinema to watch again and write a ‘proper review.’ The heartless bastard.