Satirical Irish News
Arsenal fans have banded together following Myles Lewis-Skelly’s red card against Wolves at the weekend and appealed to the European Court of Justice to overturn the decision.
The move comes after other avenues such as making unhinged social media posts and sending death threats to the referee responsible, Michael Oliver, proved fruitless.
Continue reading “Arsenal fans appeal red card to European Court of Justice”
Billionaire douche nozzle Elon Musk has announced he is to write a bestselling memoir.
The South African haemorrhoid made the announcement at the inauguration of his sock puppet Donald Trump.
The book, titled My Struggle, will take readers on a spell binding journey from Musk’s privileged, diamond mine owning, childhood in Pretoria, to his purchase of Tesla and desecration of the memory of Nikola Tesla, right through to taking charge of and completely obliterating Twitter purely to massage his Jupiterian ego.
Continue reading “My Struggle: Elon Musk to write bestselling memoir”
US President Donald Trump has spoken to DTTN ahead of his inauguration, revealing that his perma-orange glow is a tribute to the Dutch football great Johan Cruyff.
“People ask me where I get my beautiful, year round tan” said Trump. “And I’ve gotta say it’s all thanks to Johan. He was a great player, the best.”
Continue reading “Trump: Oranje Glow a tribute to football great Cruyff”
US TikTok influencers are to hold an emotive dance protest outside the inauguration of President Elect Donald Trump on Monday.
TikTok will go dark in the US from tomorrow, unless they sell to a US investor due to the alleged threat posed by the app to US national security.
Continue reading “TikTok influencers to hold dance protest outside Trump inauguration”
US President elect Donald Trump will attempt to annex Ireland, should his controversial bid to take control of Greenland fail, DTTN has learned.
The Orange Felon, who the world is already sick of even ahead of his inauguration, told reporters of his plans at a press conference outside an Irish Bar in Florida.
Continue reading “Trump to annex Ireland should Greenland bid fail”
An audience member at the World Darts Championship currently taking place at Alexandra Palace in London has been ejected from the venue for being too sober.
Darren ‘Daz Automatic’ Jenkins (34) was in attendance last night for the evening semi-final session featuring darts superstar Luke Littler when disaster struck.
Continue reading “Audience member kicked out of World Darts Championship for being too sober”
Renowned cannibal Hannibal Lecter has endorsed presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris in the American Presidential race.
The move comes after Harris’ opponent, tangerine felon Donald Trump, repeatedly evoked “the later, great Hannibal Lecter” at recent rally speeches.
Continue reading “Hannibal Lecter endorses ‘juicy’ Kamala Harris”
Following yesterday’s bombshell that incumbent Joe Biden will not contest the US Presidential election, Republicans are pivoting hard as it dawns that Donald Trump (78) is statistically closer to senility than Kamala Harris (59).
“We’d captured the youth vote against Biden,” said one Trump campaigner. “Donald is still vital, still the youngest man alive, and Kamala Harris can’t change that. The man is so young he wears diapers, for crissake! Kamala doesn’t even own a diaper.”
Continue reading “Republicans scramble to maintain advantage for ‘youngest man alive’ Trump”By: Willy E. Coyote, Local Historian
Today marks the 55 year anniversary of the 1969 American ‘moon landing’ when ‘astronauts’ Buzz Aldrin, Michael Collins and Neil Armstrong supposedly set foot on the lunar surface.
Official America will mark this is a cause for celebration, but the only achievement was the greatest, and most elaborate, con-job in human history.
Continue reading “Opinion: 55 Years since ‘moon landing’ – the greatest con-job in human history”
Former England footballer manager Gareth Southgate is in line to become the next James Bond, producers have announced.
Southgate, who bravely led the Three Lions to a further eight years hurt, is considered the perfect candidate to drag the often archaic franchise into the 21st century.
“Gareth created a friendlier, more inclusive England. And we want to use his skill set to create a friendlier, more inclusive Bond,” said a source.
Continue reading “Southgate to become next James Bond”