Premier League underdogs Manchester United made headlines yesterday when the Food Standards Agency slapped them with a one star rating for serving raw chicken at an Old Trafford corporate event.
And the fallout from the incident has dominated fan discourse as the club heads into a crunch period of festive games.
“People will blame the catering team, but it goes deeper than that,” said United favourite turned professional miserabilist Gary Neville. “The club, and it’s chicken are rotten to the core, and that, ultimately is on the Glazers. No one will be able to eat at Old Trafford until we get them out.”
“It’s a litany of failure since Sir Alex,” said a prominent streamer. “First Moyeseh, then Louis, then Ole, then Haggeh and now chickeneh. Not even poultry can succeed in the toxic environment created by the Glazers. The chicken hasn’t been backed. What’s the stuffing budget? The gravy budget?”
Other fans have called for the club to sign the raw chicken on a playing contract.
“We lack a cutting edge up front,” said one fan group. “Raw chicken can cut through a defence’s innards better than Rasmus bloody Hojlund ever could. If we don’t offer it a multi-million pound contract we’re getting the green and yellow scarves out.”