The latest contender to become cinema’s next great action hero has arrived, and he’s an animated sheep.
Shaun the Sheep: Farmageddon is a high-octane supernatural thriller with Shaun battling evil alien forces to save his farm armed only with a fleece and a wry sense of humour.
At least that’s what it looked like from the trailer. I had to leave my screening as it was full of screaming children mashing popcorn into the seats and each other. I’ve nothing against children, besides the noise and their general presence, but I’m astounded that this hard-boiled sci-fi epic is considered suitable entertainment.
It speaks to the wider malaise in modern society, with parents abandoning their offspring wily-nily to 90 minutes of potentially life-long traumatisation just so they can go to Starbucks for a milky coffee and a biscuit.
I know one man who wouldn’t drink milky coffee– Colonel John Matrix from the seminal film Commando. When Matrix’s daughter was kidnapped by evil forces did he sit crying in Starbucks or post a sad face emoji on Facebook? No! He took action, and single-handedly killed dozens of henchman, and the big baddies, before rescuing his beloved Jenny.
That’s real parenting.
He even found time along the way to meet a lovely girlfriend to be Jenny’s new stepmother. Every parent in the country should be provided with a copy of Commando as a manual for a better style of parenting, and a better Ireland.