Satirical Irish News
A local man is on a unique new career path as Ireland’s first bread tout.
Billy Brennan (54) has handed in his notice at his accounting job in order to exclusively focus on trading on the bread black market.
Continue reading “Local man starts new career as bread tout”
There were extraordinary scenes in Leinster House yesterday with Dail proceedings suspended several times as four regional TDs who were part of government formation talks, believed they should be allowed form an ‘opposition’ technical group.
Naturally, this drew outrage from the actual opposition. However, the foursome have hit back by releasing individual statements to the media.
Continue reading ““Like having chips and rice with your curry” – regional independent TDs fight back”
Billionaire douche nozzle Elon Musk has announced he is to write a bestselling memoir.
The South African haemorrhoid made the announcement at the inauguration of his sock puppet Donald Trump.
The book, titled My Struggle, will take readers on a spell binding journey from Musk’s privileged, diamond mine owning, childhood in Pretoria, to his purchase of Tesla and desecration of the memory of Nikola Tesla, right through to taking charge of and completely obliterating Twitter purely to massage his Jupiterian ego.
Continue reading “My Struggle: Elon Musk to write bestselling memoir”
US President Donald Trump has spoken to DTTN ahead of his inauguration, revealing that his perma-orange glow is a tribute to the Dutch football great Johan Cruyff.
“People ask me where I get my beautiful, year round tan” said Trump. “And I’ve gotta say it’s all thanks to Johan. He was a great player, the best.”
Continue reading “Trump: Oranje Glow a tribute to football great Cruyff”
US TikTok influencers are to hold an emotive dance protest outside the inauguration of President Elect Donald Trump on Monday.
TikTok will go dark in the US from tomorrow, unless they sell to a US investor due to the alleged threat posed by the app to US national security.
Continue reading “TikTok influencers to hold dance protest outside Trump inauguration”
Ireland is set to have a functioning government, a mere eight weeks after the 2024 election with the Regional Independent group propping up Fianna Fail and Fine Gael.
It is understood that Paranoid Android Simon Harris and Micheal ‘Mr. Personality’ Martin have made a number of concessions to the independent group including:
Continue reading “Roads fixed for all – inside the regional independents deal for government”
Life is returning to normal in Ireland after the orange ice and snow warnings of the past week.
Thousands around the country were without power, water or unable to leave their homes due to the ice. As they re-emerge blinking into the light, one local man wishes the ice never left.
Continue reading “Local introvert feeling anxious as cold snap ends”
US President elect Donald Trump will attempt to annex Ireland, should his controversial bid to take control of Greenland fail, DTTN has learned.
The Orange Felon, who the world is already sick of even ahead of his inauguration, told reporters of his plans at a press conference outside an Irish Bar in Florida.
Continue reading “Trump to annex Ireland should Greenland bid fail”
A local man has fallen ill and been rushed to hospital after eating 10 sliced pans in one sitting.
Peadar Sleet (34) had joined the rest of the town in clearing the supermarket shelves of bread before the recent big freeze.
Continue reading “Local man hospitalised after panic eating 10 sliced pans”
An audience member at the World Darts Championship currently taking place at Alexandra Palace in London has been ejected from the venue for being too sober.
Darren ‘Daz Automatic’ Jenkins (34) was in attendance last night for the evening semi-final session featuring darts superstar Luke Littler when disaster struck.
Continue reading “Audience member kicked out of World Darts Championship for being too sober”