Satirical Irish News
The local busybody has been run off her feet keeping track of all her neighbour’s movements during the Covid-19 lockdown.
Maureen Mooney (68) has been spending her days behind the net curtains of the front bedroom with a notepad and a pair of binoculars.
“I’m keeping detailed notes on all the neighbours in my ledgers. I’ve a page for each house and a column for each household member,” said the retired shop assistant.
Continue reading “Local Busybody run off her feet during lockdown”
Green Party leader Eamon Ryan has called for wolves to be enrolled by the government to help ease the pressure on health workers during the Covid-19 pandemic.
Ryan, whose party advocated the re-introduction of wolves to “re-wild” parts of the country during the recent election, has taken his controversial proposals to a new level.
Continue reading “Green Party calls for HSE to employ wolves”
A local woman who obsessively checks Twitter has expressed her disappointment at the lack of April Fools from large corporations.
Jenny Janney (28) blamed the current Covid-19 pandemic for slowing the usual barrage of bad PR puff pieces from a barrage to a trickle.
“These posts are important. They show us that these huge companies aren’t just ruthless money making machines. They’re just like us. They’re people, with feelings and a sense of humour. Is nothing safe from this virus?”
Continue reading “Local Twitter user disappointed by lack of corporate April Fools Jokes”
Professional shit-stirrer Eamon Dunphy has launched a blistering attack on Covid-19, claiming it is ‘not a great virus.’
Continue reading “Dunphy: Covid-19 ‘not a great virus’”
The National Rifle Association has responded to the growing threat of Covid-19 in the US by encouraging members to shoot on sight at the infected.
“This disease is highly contagious” said an NRA spokesperson, “and could even spread to God-fearing gun owners.”
Continue reading “NRA encourages ‘shoot on sight’ Coronavirus Policy”
British Prime Minster Boris Johnson, who today tested positive for Covid-19, has gone onto self-isolation until the pandemic passes.
Johnson has taken up residence in the fridge he famously hid in to avoid an interview with Piers Morgan.
“The PM isn’t used to taking anything seriously,” said a government source, “so having to be all grave and noble for the past few weeks has really taken a toll on him. It’s probably why he contracted the virus. He needs his safe space.”
Continue reading “Johnson to self-isolate in fridge until pandemic passes”