Satirical Irish News
Calls for UK political rent-a-gob Nigel Farage to be appointed as Northern Ireland Secretary are growing amongst Tory party members.
Insiders say that Farage, the former UKIP and Brexit Party leader, has demonstrated a “deeply nuanced understanding” of the North in recent days after being tricked into saying “Up the Ra!” in a Cameo video.
Continue reading “Calls for Farage to be appointed Northern Ireland Secretary intensify”
A UK motorist has offered to trade a year’s worth of toilet roll to fill his petrol tank as the country continues to run on fumes due to supply chain issues.
Eddie Sidebottom (43), who owns a 1.3 litre Vauxhall Astra, was slow to the pumps and now faces being unable to fulfil work duties as a travelling sales rep.
Continue reading “UK Motorist offers to trade toilet roll stash for petrol as shortages increase”
Empty supermarket shelves are becoming a common sight across the UK as the country feels the double pinch of Brexit and Covid.
For many these shortages are a worrying turn of events, but a select band of social media influencers are celebrating this new ‘Brexit Chic.’
Continue reading “Brexit Chic – How food shortages are helping restore Britain’s waistline”
In a rare Brexit good news story, it has been announced that British fish are officially the world’s happiest.
The Happiness Index, which usually measures human happiness, carried out the special survey after being commissioned by Victorian bounder MP Jacob Rees-Mogg.
Continue reading “British fish top Happiness Index”
Brexit supporters have called for British citizens to boycott all French goods.
The move comes as Britain struggles to adjust to post Brexit regulations, leading to food shipments being marooned in European ports.
Continue reading “Brexiteers call for boycott of French goods”The year in review with DTTN’s resident film critic Dion Hegarty.
2020 was without doubt the most boring year in the history of mankind – the equivalent of a never ending Christopher Nolan film.
Continue reading “2020 – If Christopher Nolan did years”
In a move inspired by Boris Johnson’s Brexit pledge, the British Association of Turkeys (BATS) is pushing forward with plans for an ‘oven ready’ Christmas.
A BATS spokesturkey declared that their membership had overwhelmingly voted 52%-48% in favour of being cooked for Christmas dinner.
Continue reading “Turkey Baster Brexit Why?”
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s Brexit strategy may seem lacking in clarity, but inside sources reveal that the Etonian shape shifter has a very definite plan.
“The PM is big on mood boards,” said a Downing Street insider. “His approach to the EU will depend on the day’s colour. Green means charming bumbler, while purple is no more bendy bananas you sausage munching Krauts!”
Continue reading “Johnson’s Brexit Strategy Secrets Revealed: Mood Boards and Jim Carrey films”
Fresh from his recent public address, professional fantasist Dominic Cummings’ stock has never been lower.
DTTN does not share the UK public’s poor opinion of Durham’s answer to CS Lewis. Instead, we admire his tenacious non-conformism, his ability to bend reality to fit his narrative. If it does come to the worst and he’s pushed out, we are comforted to know that a career as a top-class novelist awaits.
Continue reading “Dominic Cummings: A brave non-conformist”
Today our friends The Irish Sea mark their exit from the EU by joining hands and jumping into their time capsule set for 1950.
Brexit has prompted an outpouring of gloomy analysis and doom-mongering. Here at DTTN we’re not convinced that it’s all that bad.
So, in the true Tory spirit of magic unicorns and lakes of mead we proudly present Brexit: The Good News.
So, there you have it. 2020 starts with a momentous occasion and we hope you all agree that the good times are set to roll.