Satirical Irish News
Taking their cue from Gal Gadot’s celebrity version of Imagine, the local glitterati are coming out in force to boost public spirits in the face of the Covid-19 pandemic.
The Famous Against Covid-19 Killer (FACK) are to record an uplifting version of The Police classic Don’t Stand So Close To Me, the song which is coming to define our troubled times.
Continue reading “Local Celebs to record version of Don’t Stand So Close To Me”
A local teenager is praying for the Coronavirus to hit his school so he can get out of a really difficult test.
Ultan O’Sultan (16), a 5th Year student at St. Flamingo’s is dreading the trigonometry exam that he’s failed to spend the last week studying for.
“I’ve been busy, yeah? Playing Fortnite and trying to get Susie the college chick from the off license to sell me a few cans. I don’t have time to study.”
Continue reading “Local Teenager hoping for Coronavirus school closure”
A local germophobe has officially moved to Defcon 1 after Ireland was hit with its second confirmed case of Coronavirus.
Conor Sivura (32), has barricaded himself in his home and told DTTN that he won’t be coming out until the crisis has passed.
“I’ve taken a six month leave of absence from work,” said the accountant, “possibly extending to a year depending on how things play out. You can’t be too safe.”
Continue reading “Local Germophobe self-isolating for six months”