Satirical Irish News
There were extraordinary scenes in Leinster House yesterday with Dail proceedings suspended several times as four regional TDs who were part of government formation talks, believed they should be allowed form an ‘opposition’ technical group.
Naturally, this drew outrage from the actual opposition. However, the foursome have hit back by releasing individual statements to the media.
Continue reading ““Like having chips and rice with your curry” – regional independent TDs fight back”
Ireland is set to have a functioning government, a mere eight weeks after the 2024 election with the Regional Independent group propping up Fianna Fail and Fine Gael.
It is understood that Paranoid Android Simon Harris and Micheal ‘Mr. Personality’ Martin have made a number of concessions to the independent group including:
Continue reading “Roads fixed for all – inside the regional independents deal for government”
Simon Harris, the Paranoid Android, has made history by becoming the first non-carbon based entity to become Taoiseach.
To celebrate this momentous occasion DTTN has canvassed opinions from the great, the good and the Healy-Raes of Irish public life.
Leo was the first gay son of immigrants. Now Simon is the first android. Maybe in another ten years Ireland might actually be ready for a woman Taoiseach. Fingers crossed.
Heather Humphreys; Deputy Leader Fine Gael
Continue reading “Simon Harris – The nation reacts as android becomes Taoiseach”
Simon Harris is today celebrating as he looks set to become the next Taoiseach by default.
The Minister for Further and Higher Education, who also played Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, is the only Fine Gael TD in the running.
“My fellow party members have shown me great faith,” said Harris. “As the great philosopher Homer noted ‘de’ and ‘fault’ are the two greatest words in the English language. I hope to build on his work and that of our past great minds.
Continue reading “Simon Harris to become Taoiseach by default”
Leo Varadkar, who today announced his shock departure as Taoiseach and leader of Fine Gael, will go into the history books as one of the leaders of this country.
DTTN salutes Varadkar’s many great achievements in office such as [insert something good here-Ed] and [Anything at all? Surely there must be something – Ed].
Many luminaries of Irish society have taken to social media noting that Varadkar was indeed Taoiseach from 2017 to 2020 and again from 2022 to today.
The man himself had this to say on what was sure to have been an emotional occasion for someone:
“Completing Taoiseach is one of my great achievements, up there with completing Football Manager and acquiring a wardrobe just for socks.
Some have called me Thatcher in a suit, but there’s more to me than that. I sometimes wear business casual, and shorts in summer.
My decision is both personal and political, but mainly because my party is unelectable with me at the helm. I look forward to my legacy being romanticised by the Irish media while I sail away on the private gravy train.”
DTTN wishes Varadkar all the best in his future endeavours and looks forward to celebrating our next Fine Gael overlord.
An Tanaiste Leo Varadkar has issued an impassioned plea to the nation on behalf of beleaguered landlords.
Varadkar caused controversy last month when he stated that one person’s rent was another person’s income, but has now doubled down on his pro-landlord stance.
Continue reading “Varadkar: Won’t somebody please think of the landlords”
An Tanaiste Leo Varadkar has proposed pop duo Jedward as the new Ministers for Agriculture.
Varadkar, who never knowingly misses a PR opportunity, made his suggestion after watching John and Edward Grimes owning fellow pop star Jim Corr on social media over his anti-face mask protests.
Continue reading “Varadkar proposes Jedward as new Ministers for Agriculture”
European Commissioner Phil Hogan has demanded a full apology from the Irish public.
Hogan has been making headlines due to his involvement in the infamous Golfgate incident, and using a mobile while driving.
“People have been calling on me to consider my position,” said the former Fine Gael TD, “but really the narrow minded bastards should be begging my forgiveness.
Continue reading “Phil Hogan demands apology from Irish Public”
Fianna Fail leader Micheál Martin has been spending lockdown remodelling himself on international super spy Austin Powers in an attempt to boost his charisma levels.
With a rotating Taoiseach model expected to be implemented in the new coalition, Martin is desperate to prove his leadership credentials.
Continue reading “Micheál Martin planning ‘Austin Powers’ leadership makeover”
With the General Election fast approaching DTTN has offered the main political parties the chance to present their manifestos to our readers. Today we hear from Fine Gael councillor Patsy Preen.
We’ve been in power for nine long years. Our critics say we haven’t done a lot right, but we haven’t done a lot wrong either. In fact we’ve not done much of anything. If you had an ol’ Delorean, from Back to the Future, and went all the way back to 2011 you’d not notice much difference. That’s what you get with Fine Gael – stability.
Continue reading “GE 2020 – The Fine Gael Manifesto”