JD Vance

Vance steps down from Trump ticket, takes role at IKEA

Sofa lover JD Vance is to step down as the Vice-Presidential candidate on the Trump ticket with immediate effect, it has been announced.

Vance, whose passion for soft furnishings is legendary, is to take up a new role in the couch department of retail giant IKEA.

Renowned cannibal Hannibal Lecter has endorsed presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris in the American Presidential race.

The move comes after Harris’ opponent, tangerine felon Donald Trump, repeatedly evoked “the later, great Hannibal Lecter” at recent rally speeches.