NHS – DownTheTownNews

June 30, 2024June 30, 2024

Coldplay, England football team causing spike in sudden onset narcolepsy warns NHS

UK doctors have warned about a dangerous surge in sudden onset narcolepsy this weekend due to Coldplay’s performance at Glastonbury and the continued tediousness of England’s football team at the Euros.

“Narcolepsy causes patients to feel drowsy and need to sleep during the daytime,” said an NHS doctor. “The causes are not always clear, but this weekend we have seen a spike due to Coldplay and the football.”

September 11, 2020September 11, 2020

Scottish Chippers offering deep fried Covid

Scottish chippers have a new addition to their menu they hope will boost flagging tourist numbers.

Deep fried Covid is being offered on a trial basis across a number of Edinburgh chippers for the month of September.

“Scotland is renowned for its cuisine,” said one chip shop owner. “We’re the home of the deep fried pizza and the deep fried Mars Bar.

June 5, 2020June 5, 2020

Johnson demands NHS claps for government

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has demanded that NHS frontline workers start giving back to the country by clapping for the government every Thursday.

“We spent weeks clapping for the NHS,” said Johnson, “people were out banging pots, whistling and all sorts. Frankly, it gave me a headache.”