Audience member kicked out of World Darts Championship for being too sober

An audience member at the World Darts Championship currently taking place at Alexandra Palace in London has been ejected from the venue for being too sober.

Darren ‘Daz Automatic’ Jenkins (34) was in attendance last night for the evening semi-final session featuring darts superstar Luke Littler when disaster struck.

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Local man topping up Credit Union loan to afford pints

A local man has revealed that he is topping up his Credit Union loan every week to afford pints.

And Podge Jameson (45) is set for even more financial struggle after Diageo announced yet another price increase.

“It’s a disgrace,” said Jameson. “It seems the days of having 20 quiet pints and driving home of a Friday or Saturday are at an end. They’re killing rural Ireland.”

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Healy-Raes to open series of Speakeasies

The Healy-Rae dynasty have had enough of the NPHET strangling the life out of rural pubs and are taking action by opening a series of 1920’s style speakeasies around Kilgarvan.

“Rural Ireland, and especially Kerry, should not suffer because them Dublin Jackeens can’t stop coughing on each other,” said Danny Healy-Rae. “We want our pints and we want them now.”

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Local Publican disgusted at lack of Garda corruption

A local publican has expressed his disgust at the vigilance of Gardai enforcing public health guidelines around Covid-19.

Timmy Turnbull, owner of The Flying Keg, told DTTN that he had previously considered the Gardai as friends of his establishment.

“The guards have always been good to us. They’d turn a blind eye to the odd bit of drink-driving, and even joined in some of our legendary lock-ins. This Covid situation has changed them.”

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