Satirical Irish News
Santa will observe strict social distancing protocols as he delivers presents this year, NPHET has announced.
The jolly old rogue, who usually barrels down chimneys without a thought for his personal safety, will now be required to:
Continue reading “NPHET announces strict social distancing protocols for Santa.”
The RTE stars who breached social distancing rules at a retirement party are to receive a pay increase, the station has announced.
High profile broadcasters such as Bryan Dobson, Miriam O’Callaghan, Eileen Dunne and David McCullagh are amongst those in line for the pre-Christmas bonanza.
Continue reading “Traumatised RTE stars to receive pay increases”
Two men have been arrested after engaging in a socially distanced fight in Woodie’s over the last Vileda Mop Head in stock.
Gardai were called to defuse the incident, which broke out not long after trading re-commenced at the hardware store this morning.
Continue reading “Socially Distanced Fight breaks out at Woodie’s”
Irish folk group The Wolfe Tones are to release an album of classic ballads re-imagined to take the fight to Covid-19
The group, famed for their anti-British rebel songs, said that Ireland has a new enemy to rail against and that they intend to lead the fight.
“For hundreds of years we’ve been oppressed by the Brits, but finally something’s come along that’s even worse. Covid-19 is about to feel the wrath of the righteous Gael,” said the group’s press release.
Continue reading “Wolfe Tones to release album of anti Covid-19 ballads”
A local man has sparked a sensation by creating the world’s first social distancing hi-vis vest.
Eddie Edam (48), made his breakthrough after growing weary of dog-walkers and buggies intruding on his personal space during his daily run.
“Government regulations say we should be staying two metres apart, but people are getting fierce close, especially big family groups, all spread out across the path,” he said.
Continue reading “Local man invents social distancing hi-vis vest”