Satirical Irish News
The global economy has been left reeling this week after Donald Trump completed his school project of creating random tariff rates for every country he knows the name of, and some he doesn’t.
The US President proudly displayed his tariff board at a White House press conference, with Trump staffers confirming that the Melon Felon cut out all the numbers by himself and didn’t even ask a grown-up help him use the scissors.
Continue reading “World cowers as Trump discovers how numbers work”
Concerns have been raised by international aid organisations as convicted sex offenders met in The White House this St. Patrick’s Day.
The alarm comes as former UFC fighter and sex offender Conor McGregor travelled to Washington to meet former reality TV star and sex offender Donald Trump.
Continue reading “Concerns raised as Irish and American sex offenders meet in White House”
Melon felon Donald Trump has continued his attack on Volodymyr Zelenskyy, claiming that the Ukrainian leader is just Osama bin Laden in disguise.
“Think about it folks,” said the tangerine rapist. “Bin Laden was ‘taken out’ by the Obama administration. The Democrats couldn’t even take out their trash!
My super intelligence, so much intelligence, is telling me that Obama, if that is his real name, folks, was part of a plot, a very deadly un-American plot to raise the price of eggs and relocate bin Laden and the eggs to Ukraine.
Continue reading “Trump: Zelenskyy is just Bin Laden in disguise”
Fresh from claims that he would turn Gaza into a holiday resort, US President Donald Trump has pivoted and now plans to create the world’s largest golf course.
“Who doesn’t love golf?” said The Melon Felon. “I love golf. I have courses in Ireland and Scotland. Great courses, the best. But Gaza could be something special, so big, so beautiful.
Continue reading “Trump to transform Gaza into world’s largest golf course”
White House officials are desperately scrambling today to keep knowledge of South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut from President Trump.
The 1999 film saw the US, led by South Park resident Sheila Broflovski, declare war on Canada over the foul-mouthed antics of Canadian entertainers Terrance and Phillip.
Fresh from slapping 25% tariffs on Canadian goods, it is understand the Orange Felon remains bullish, and may be looking to make further moves to punish the 51st state. And evangelical Christian groups are understood to be pushing for censorship on Canadian ‘filth.’
Continue reading “Worried aides trying to keep Trump away from South Park film”
US President Donald Trump has continued his attack on DEI (Diversity, Equity & Inclusion) policies in the wake of the tragic crash between an American Airlines jet and an army helicopter in Washington DC.
Despite there being no evidence that DEI hires had anything to do with the crash, the White House has turned the hate nozzle to ten and continued to spray grade A effluence.
Continue reading “‘Pilots are just heads in a jar’ – Trump attacks American Airlines DEI hires”
US President Donald Trump has spoken to DTTN ahead of his inauguration, revealing that his perma-orange glow is a tribute to the Dutch football great Johan Cruyff.
“People ask me where I get my beautiful, year round tan” said Trump. “And I’ve gotta say it’s all thanks to Johan. He was a great player, the best.”
Continue reading “Trump: Oranje Glow a tribute to football great Cruyff”
US TikTok influencers are to hold an emotive dance protest outside the inauguration of President Elect Donald Trump on Monday.
TikTok will go dark in the US from tomorrow, unless they sell to a US investor due to the alleged threat posed by the app to US national security.
Continue reading “TikTok influencers to hold dance protest outside Trump inauguration”
US President elect Donald Trump will attempt to annex Ireland, should his controversial bid to take control of Greenland fail, DTTN has learned.
The Orange Felon, who the world is already sick of even ahead of his inauguration, told reporters of his plans at a press conference outside an Irish Bar in Florida.
Continue reading “Trump to annex Ireland should Greenland bid fail”
Sofa lover JD Vance is to step down as the Vice-Presidential candidate on the Trump ticket with immediate effect, it has been announced.
Vance, whose passion for soft furnishings is legendary, is to take up a new role in the couch department of retail giant IKEA.
Continue reading “Vance steps down from Trump ticket, takes role at IKEA”