Satirical Irish News
A local troll was left devastated last night after Rory McIlroy ended his eleven year major drought in dramatic style by winning The Masters in Augusta.
Ray Putter (27), who had spent the last decade posting hateful nonsense on a range of social media platforms under the handle ‘RoryChokzlol’, is now facing an existential crisis with his identity shattered.
Continue reading “Local online troll left bereft after McIlroy Masters win”
Billionaire douche nozzle Elon Musk has announced he is to write a bestselling memoir.
The South African haemorrhoid made the announcement at the inauguration of his sock puppet Donald Trump.
The book, titled My Struggle, will take readers on a spell binding journey from Musk’s privileged, diamond mine owning, childhood in Pretoria, to his purchase of Tesla and desecration of the memory of Nikola Tesla, right through to taking charge of and completely obliterating Twitter purely to massage his Jupiterian ego.
Continue reading “My Struggle: Elon Musk to write bestselling memoir”
A local man has announced his plans to acquire Ireland’s first Cybertruck.
Eoin Mutch (58) told anyone in the pub who’d listen, and several who didn’t want to, that he’d already been in contact with Tesla to acquire one of their controversial electric trucks.
The Cybertruck, which is not yet available in Europe, retails in the US at around $100,000 and has attracted negative reviews for it’s design flaws, quickness to break down and looking like a tin of beans on wheels.
Continue reading “Local man plans on owning Ireland’s first Cybertruck”
Marvel Studios has announced the debut of the newest addition to the MCU – Super Sponge.
Super Sponge: Total Soakage, due for release in Summer 2022, will be the first in the planned Super Sponge trilogy.
Continue reading “Super Sponge is newest addition to Marvel Cinematic Universe”
Premier league leaders Liverpool have tweeted confirmation that they are claiming victory in the current season, despite only seven games being played.
“We have claimed, for championship purposes, the Premier League season,” said the club’s official Twitter account. “The table shows a BIG Liverpool lead.”
Continue reading “Liverpool tweet Premier League victory claims”
A local social media obsessive looks set for a place in history after claiming to be the first Twitter user to use the’#WorldWar3’ hashtag.
Timmy Twomey, who works in marketing, told DTTN that he used the hastag almost instantaneously “after Trump blew up that Iranian lad.”
Twomey is proud that the hashtag has now trended worldwide. “It feels like my contribution to society, something to tell the grandkids about. I was the first to call the complete destruction of the planet.”
Continue reading “Local Twitter User first to coin World War 3 hashtag”
Impeached US President Donald Trump is drawing inspiration from Roald Dahl’s classic children’s book James and the Giant Peach as he faces the biggest crisis of his tenure.
The President praised the film in a series of posts on Twitter which we have reproduced below.
“I haven’t read book. Reading is for little girly men! I watched film with Melania, and I have to say, it’s a great film. Truly outstanding!”
Continue reading “Embattled Trump Drawing Inspiration from James and the Giant Peach”