Football fans around the country are calling for indoor pub service to be brought forward to allow us laugh at England’s inevitable disastrous exit from Euro 2020.
“Laughing at English failures in the football is a great national tradition,” said a fan spokesperson. “Especially when we haven’t qualified yet again.”
Rejoicing at English heartbreak has long been a rite of passage for generations of Irish fans. However, with indoor service not due to resume until 5th July, the day before the first semi-final, there are fears fans will miss out.
“Jeering at Kane and Pickford from the couch just isn’t the same as doing it in a pub full of tanked up Ireland supporters. That’s why we’re calling on the government to open up early. Give us our moment of shared catharsis, because Christ knows, they’re not making the semis.
We don’t want young Irish fans missing out on generational moments like Rooney’s red card against Portgual in 2006 or the Iceland loss in 2016.”
Publicans have backed the fan’s rallying cry, but are unconvinced that NPHET will be moved to act.
“It’s not looking good. We have it on good authority that Dr. Holohan is a Gareth Southgate sympathiser and a waistcoat fancier,” said a local publican.