A local man is recovering in hospital this evening after accidentally eating a vegan burger.
Johnny Chops (57) came into contact with vegan substances after a drunken order went horribly wrong at McDonalds.
“We’d been out for a few lunchtime pints, we do it every year after Christmas,” said a source close to Chops. “Johnny ordered off one of those touch screen yolks, and thought he was getting the Big Mac meal.”
It wasn’t until he polished off the last bite that Chops noticed he had accidentally ordered the McPlant vegan burger. The consequences were immediate.
“Johnny fell to the floor clutching his throat and this strange green drool started coming out his mouth. I hadn’t seen him like this since that time he ate tofu.”
Chops was brought by ambulance to the local hospital, where he is being kept under surveillance. Doctors are understood to have prescribed an animal protein only diet to restore his strength.
The HSE has issued a warning to anyone considering attempting vegan food this January.
“Veganuary has become increasingly popular,” said a HSE spokesperson. “But these meat substitute gimmicks are unnatural and against God. If you or anyone you know comes into contact with vegan substances we recommend eating a large steak or mixed grill immediately.”