Leo Varadkar is busy enjoying his all-expenses paid junket to Washington to serve shamrock and smiles to the US.
However, The Taoiseach also has domestic matters on his mind, namely Ireland’s rugby clash with Scotland in Dublin on Saturday that could see Andy Farrell’s men claim the Six Nations Championship.
“St. Patrick’s Weekend is our national holiday and after er…Joe Schmidt and er…Johnny Sexton lost to England last week we can’t afford to have national morale at a low during our celebrations.
That’s why I have asked the UN and the US Secretary of State to intervene on behalf of our boys in green, to ensure we are awarded the Six Nations League.
Anything less than an Irish victory will take the fizz out of our collective pints and precipitate a humanitarian crisis on par with events in Gaza and The Ukraine. It doesn’t take much to make an Irishman maudlin and it would be disastrous for the economy.”
Anthony Blinken responded by assuring the Taoiseach his department was on the case.
“I’m not too familiar with rugby,” said Blinken. “I’ve seen some clips, and I’ll admit it looks somewhat deviant, but that’s Europeans for you. We’ll do what we can.”