US President Donald Trump has spoken to DTTN ahead of his inauguration, revealing that his perma-orange glow is a tribute to the Dutch football great Johan Cruyff.
“People ask me where I get my beautiful, year round tan” said Trump. “And I’ve gotta say it’s all thanks to Johan. He was a great player, the best.”
Cruyff, who captained The Oranje to the 1974 World Cup final, is widely considered one of the best players of all time.
“The Oranje were a great people,” said the Orange Felon, “much like the Ewoks or the Kilngons, but never got the recognition they deserved.”
Trump, who appears to be unaware of the continued existence of both The Netherlands and their football team, stated that the inspiration was a two way process, and that Cruyff consulted The Art of the Deal, published in 1987, before leading his nation out.
When DTTN pointed out that the Dutch lost the final to West Germany, Trump cited fake news, and immediately dispatched a White House intern to edit Wikipedia.
“I look forward to greeting Johan at The White House someday,” concluded Trump, “and he knows that the invitation is always open.”
Cruyff, who passed away in 2016, was not available for comment.
Trump’s inauguration looks set to smash records for most despicable human beings gathered in one location, beating the previous record set by last year’s Tory conference.