Fresh from claims that he would turn Gaza into a holiday resort, US President Donald Trump has pivoted and now plans to create the world’s largest golf course.
“Who doesn’t love golf?” said The Melon Felon. “I love golf. I have courses in Ireland and Scotland. Great courses, the best. But Gaza could be something special, so big, so beautiful.
368 km2 is a tremendous space, so we’re not just going to limit ourselves to 18 holes. There’ll be holes everywhere, all sorts of holes, holes you wouldn’t believe.
I’ve even arranged with my good friend Benjamin, great guy, for guests to fire their balls through rocket launchers for longer holes.
People say I’m cleansing, and they’re right. A golf course is so much cleaner than all that rubble they have there now. And we can use the rubble for a unique experience.
Imagine chipping a pitching wedge over an unidentified pile of bones, or smashing a driver through the remains of an apartment block. It’s gonna be incredible, folks.
And you know the best thing? It’s creating jobs. Not just for Americans, but even Palestinians! Some might want to stay and become caddies, or work in the clubhouse if they know how to mix a cocktail.
The rest, well, they’re not golf fans they’re not welcome.”