A local shopkeeper has been lauded after refusing to serve a strange man he’d never seen before.
Alfie O’Donovan, who has run Alfie’s corner shop since 1982, was left shaken after a mysterious man entered his premises looking to purchase a box of Marlboro Gold.
“This is a local shop for local people,” said O’Donovan. “I know all my customers, from Mrs. O’Reilly and her clementine obsession to Mr. Hayes who buys ten packs of Polo Mints a day. This lad, well, he just wasn’t local.
Big burly fella, he was. At least 7 foot tall, moustache like a walrus tail and huge biceps covered in strange tattoos that were surely Satanic symbols. I was trapped behind the counter as he approached with barely a nod out of him. When he didn’t even so much as mention Mrs. O’Leary’s hip operation I knew he was trouble
I’ve been reading in the papers about these DEI hires. I’m not sure exactly what that is, but I’m convinced he was one. Principal Finnerty is looking for a new teacher in the school and it better not be him.
I saw his car, a Limerck reg. Nothing good ever came out of Limerick. You could smell the Tesco Clubcard off him. Needless to say, I reported him immediately to the local guards and councillor. He won’t be welcome back around here.