Marcus Rashford and celebrity chef Jamie Oliver have joined forces in a campaign to restore free lunches for beleaguered Manchester United staff.
Full lunches have reportedly been replaced at Old Trafford by a piece of fruit and at the club’s Carrington training ground by soup and a sandwich as partial owner ‘Brexit’ Jim Ratcliffe continues to cut costs.
“We’re going to bring lovely, fresh five minute recipes and there won’t be a turkey twizzler in sight, unless you count Rasmus Hojlund,” said Oliver.
“Running a football club is a stressful business,” said Rashford. “Our staff need to be well fed to allow them operate in a manner befitting the 15th best team in English football.”
The pair, who previously saved UK school meals, have rejected Brexit Jim’s suggestion that the 200 club employees facing redundancy be minced up as a cheap protein source and are instead focusing on a menu inspired by the playing squad.
The three course menu will feature:
Arrestingly Good Harry Maguire Greek Salad
Falling Off the Bone Bruno Fernandes Lamb Shanks
Andre Onana Butterfingers served w/ green and gold ice cream
Out of favour first team squad members will be tasked to double as commis chefs and dishwashers.
In other news, Alejandro Garnacho has requested a transfer to McDonald’s, who he feels are better placed to help realise his ambitions.