American tourist Daisy Dandelion has been left red-faced after encountering her first ever rugby match at her hotel bar.
“I thought it was a gay sex thing,” confessed the embarrassed New Yorker. “All I saw was a load of sweaty men smashing their bodies into each other and shoving their heads up their asses. Then they cut to some men in suits who showed the whole thing again in slow-motion”
Dandelion, who wondered aloud why such overtly sexual rituals were being broadcast on daytime TV, received only bemused glances before retreating to her room, where she was in for a further shock.
“I came in and my husband was watching some Welsh guys sweatily grappling with a pack of New Zealanders. I just asked him straight out why he was watching gay porn.”
It turned out, much to Dandelion’s shock, that rugby is a legitimate coded sport, played and watched by millions around the world.
“Now that I know that it’s an actual sport I don’t know what to think. It’s very disturbing.”
Dandelion admitted that her husband, a new rugby convert, has attempted to turn her on to the game, even explaining the concept of a scrum. However, she remains unable to shake her existing pre-conceptions.
“To be honest, I wish we’d vacationed elsewhere,” said Dandelion. “He wants us to go out tomorrow to watch more rugby. I’m not sure I can stomach another scrum.”