A local troll was left devastated last night after Rory McIlroy ended his eleven year major drought in dramatic style by winning The Masters in Augusta.
Ray Putter (27), who had spent the last decade posting hateful nonsense on a range of social media platforms under the handle ‘RoryChokzlol’, is now facing an existential crisis with his identity shattered.
“I don’t even like golf,” said Putter, “but I can smell a loser at 500 yards and Rory was my boy. With each near miss I went on more platforms and upset more and more fans. I’m banned from seventeen subreddits and have gone through four Twitter accounts.
Now that he’s finally won the big one even though he nearly choked again, lol, I’m just not sure what to do with my free time. I’ve a lot of hate to give and I need an outlet for my hundreds of handcrafted memes.
Putter tentatively left his computer screen earlier today to take a walk in the park, but found the experience discombobulating.
“The outdoors isn’t for me. It’s impossible to troll someone face-to-face without getting punched.”
Instead Putter will search for a new target and told DTTN that he fancies a go off Arsenal, who look destined for their third consecutive runner-up Premier League finish.
“That’s prime loser material right there,” said Putter. “And their fans appears deliciously thin skinned.”
Putter received dozens of death threats from irate Arsenal fans during the course of our interview.