As the Catholic world mourns the death of Pope Francis an unlikely successor has emerged in the form of US President Donald Trump.
“The Pope has died, so sad,” said The Melon Felon. “That’s why you shouldn’t put sleepy old men in office. The Vatican needs someone young and vital, like me. Doctors say I would be the healthiest Pope to ever live and would look tremendous in a pointy hat.
God already loves America more than every other country, so why not, folks? It’s natural for your President to also be Pope. I spoke to God on the phone today, great guy, funny guy, and he told me it’s what he wanted. I know so, so much about Jesus. He was persecuted by evil elites, just like me.
The Vatican people tell me they have their own process, but I watched the trailer of the movie about it, Conclave it was called, and frankly it bored me. We need to make The Vatican Great Again. Elon has a lot of great ideas, and so do I. We need to bring manufacturing jobs back to the Vatican!
There’s a lot of great artwork and artifacts in the Vatican that would look great in Trump resorts. The Cardinals would be welcome to see them when they call for a round of golf at Mar-a-Lago.
People say it can’t happen, but we’re going to work out a deal, folks. I have the concept of a plan.
God Bless you all. Especially America.”