Local Green Councillor Hector McHemp has created a sensation by claiming that the government’s new carbon tax did not go far enough, and that life itself should be taxed.
“Life on Earth is essentially carbon based,” he said, “so really we should be looking to tax anything and everything that exists.”
“Sure, diesel and petrol are major polluters, but they’re not the only source of carbon – it’s in plants, animals, burnt toast and every single person in the country. We need to be looking at the bigger picture here.”
The Councillor has put forward a radical plan that would see every living creature owe their local council an escalating amount of carbon tax for every year of their existence.
“People think existence is a basic human right, like the internet or clean drinking water. But it’s not.”
McHemp stated that collection could be enforced in the form of a carbon license and monitored by carbon inspectors “a bit like the TV license, but without any shite like Ryan Tubridy.”
Under the proposal both domestic and wild animals would be required to register and declare their carbon use.
“The animal kingdom has had a free ride for long enough. They need to do their bit to save the planet.”
To incentivise sign-ups McHemp’s scheme proposes a carbon rebate for every participant upon their death to recognise their “ultimate carbon off-set.”