With the General Election fast approaching DTTN has offered the main political parties the chance to present their manifestos to our readers. Today we hear from Hobgoblin Healy-Rae of the great Kilgarvan Healy-Rae Dynasty.
Kerry is a magical place. I’ve seen non-Kerry folks describe it as a veritable Narnia; an unbelievable, alternate reality of great princes and supernatural beings. And they’re right.
Where else can you have a feed of pints and still drive home safely, your narrow, winding pathway illuminated by the fairy folk of the Kerry dolmen? Not up in fecking Dublin. They’d send you to jail if you even looked at a pub.
Where else can you batter the head off some queer-hawk after he objects to you skipping the queue at the chipper, and get away with a light slap on the wrist and a snack box with curried chips? Not down in fecking Cork. They’d send you to jail without even a dropeen of curry.
Where else can you reside a town as resplendent as mighty Kilgarvan, where one great local dynasty will cater for your every need: pump your petrol, feed your children, fix your road and attend your funeral? Not over in fecking Galway. They don’t even have roads there.
If you’re reading this in Dublin, or Cork, or Galway, or one of them other awful places that’s not Kerry, why not join us? Come to Kerry where you can do as you please. If you vote the right way.