The Green Party has tabled controversial plans to ban exhaling as a pre-condition to forming a new government.
“Exhaling releases harmful carbon dioxide into the planet’s atmosphere,” said a Green spokesperson. “Each time we exhale a tree dies and Greta Thunberg sheds a solitary tear.”
“If we’re serious about climate change we need to tackle our exhalation addiction. The current Covid pandemic represents a chance for us to hit the reset button and make those tough choices.”
The ambitious proposal aims to eliminate all human exhalation in Ireland by 2030.
Under the proposed regulation, any individual found exhaling will face an on-the-spot fine of up to €10,000, or a six to ten month house arrest. Offenders will also attend compulsory Exhalers Anonymous Zoom meetings.
“Obviously, people are used to exhaling, it’s something they enjoy, often after a few drinks. We’re conscious that we will need to reduce the number gradually. This won’t happen overnight.”
Critics have dismissed the plan as “nonsense” but the Greens will not be deterred.
“Big business will always object. Exhaling has made a lot of people in this country very wealthy, but at what cost?”
The Greens have approached RTE radio personality Dave Fanning, who has not exhaled since 1987, to front the campaign.