Fianna Fail leader Micheál Martin has been spending lockdown remodelling himself on international super spy Austin Powers in an attempt to boost his charisma levels.
With a rotating Taoiseach model expected to be implemented in the new coalition, Martin is desperate to prove his leadership credentials.
“Micheál is a lovely guy, but Christ he’s watery,” said a Fianna Fail insider. “We need a leader with strong mojo to get the party back on top – a Bertie, a Charlie.
Austin Powers is s groovy international man of mystery, and someone we can all learn a lot from. Especially Micheál .”
Martin is believed to have ordered a range of flashy suits to imitate his new role model, with Fianna Fail spin doctors coaching him through a tailored Austin Powers Speak course.
“Yeah, baby! This is totally shagadelic! Grrr!” is believed to be the key phrase Martin will use in his first address to the nation as Taoiseach.
Advisors have been encouraging Martin to think of Fine Gael leader Leo Varadkar as a Dr. Evil figure.
“Fine Gael may become our coalition partners, but we have to remember that they are still our enemy, and want to steal our mojo.” said the insider.
Negotiations on the formation of a new government remain ongoing, with Varadkar believed to have demanded “one hundred million dollars” to relinquish first go as Taoiseach.