Former British Prime Minister Theresa May is set for a career in construction after agreeing to act as a support beam for a new bridge in her Maidenhead constituency.
The bridge project, which was in danger of collapsing after EU funding ran out, required expensive structural reinforcing.
“We’d reached a dead-end” said project manager Tim Tom. “The office contacted Ms. May as a desperation measure, and she agreed to meet us.”
Instead of lobbying to secure extra funding, Ms. May proposed a novel solution.
Tom informed Ms. May that the reinforcing needed to be both strong and stable, otherwise the bridge was at risk of collapse.
“She insisted on being driven straight to the site. Once we got there she oiled herself up with WD40 and has been propping up the North end of the bridge ever since.”
“I brought her a flask of tea and some sandwiches,” said Tom, “but she just stood there with this strange fixed grin. She didn’t even blink once.”
While some have expressed concerns about a female politician shouldering such a load, sources close to the former Prime Minister suggest she has finally found the ideal use of her strength and stability superpowers.
Not to be outdone, current PM Boris Johnson is currently working on plans to sit atop a mountain of bullshit.