Former Ireland manager Jack Charlton has made an instant impact in Heaven, making his presence felt at God’s weekly five-a-side game.
Charlton, a recent transfer from Earth, wasted no time getting stuck into fancy-dan behaviour from some participants.
“So, I get up there and there’s this Dutch lad, Johan, trying to teach St. Peter something he calls a Cruyff turn,” said Charlton.
“There’s no need for it. Gatekeepers like Peter should be clearing their lines instead of trying to play like Pele. I told Johan but he just sneered at me. He wouldn’t last five minutes with Mick McCarthy.”
Charlton, who led Ireland to two World Cups, is believed to have played God a video of Ireland’s famous penalty shootout victory over Romania at Italia ’90.
“I said to him – the game’s about being effective, being aggressive, getting on with the play. Put ‘em under pressure.”
God is understood to have been won over by the presentation, and has dropped Dutch legend Johan Cruyff from his five-a-side team in favour of Charlton’s former Leeds teammate Norman ‘Bites Yer Legs’ Hunter.
“Norman’s a good no nonsense lad. He won’t be taking any shit from anyone on The Holy Ghost’s team.”
DTTN understands that Charlton is set to be offered a Director of Football role by God.