The Healy-Rae dynasty have had enough of the NPHET strangling the life out of rural pubs and are taking action by opening a series of 1920’s style speakeasies around Kilgarvan.
“Rural Ireland, and especially Kerry, should not suffer because them Dublin Jackeens can’t stop coughing on each other,” said Danny Healy-Rae. “We want our pints and we want them now.”
The chain of speakeasies will be named Jackie’s, after the late patriarch of The Healy-Rae clan, and insiders say that the family envisage Kilgarvan becoming an Irish version of Atlantic City.
“We’ll have it all – pints, a drop of the hard stuff, and plenty of craic agus ceoil,” said Michael Healy-Rae. “There’ll be no €9 toasted sandwiches in Jackie’s.”
Jackie’s outlets will serve only Healy-Rae’s home brewed pints and poitin. Customers will have to adhere to a strict six pints or over limit before driving home. Musical entertainment will be provided by the melodious sound of the cash register and Danny’s old Christy Hennessy tapes.
“Micheal Martin mightn’t like it, but he can go long and shite,” said Danny.
“If they want to shut us down they’ll have to come down here and pry the pints from our cold dead hands,” added Michael.
Jackie’s Speakeasies open around Kilgarvan from 10th August.