Donald Trump has intensified his war on the US Postal Service by launching an astonishing attack on Postman Pat.
“Postman Pat is an un-American spy,” stated Trump at a White House briefing. “He’s been driving around a red van full of rigged ballot papers from England!”
Pat, who is also a popular children’s entertainer, has been accused by the President as being “the greatest threat to US national security since Barack Obama.”
“That black and white cat stuff might play with fake news CNN, but he can’t fool a stable genius like me.
I’ve seen him sneaking around post boxes early in the morning, just as day is dawning. That kind of thing might be ok in England, but they don’t have the same great democratic processes we do. They lost two World Wars.”
Trump has accused leading Democrats of being in league with Pat to rig the upcoming Presidential election and spread Covid-19.
“The Democrats are desperate. First they work with the Chinese on Covid, and now they’re shipping in rigged ballots from all over Europe. They’ll literally stop at nothing to destroy this great country.”
Postman Pat was not available for comment as his cat had gotten stuck up a tree.