US retailers have reported a sharp increase in sales of bleach and fire arms in the wake of Donald Trump’s positive Covid-19 diagnosis.
Thousands of Trump supporters are stocking up in the hope of warding off the evil Chinese virus.
“The President told us that the economy would recover under his watch, and boy has it,” said one happy supermarket owner, who has sold three months stock of OxiClean in two days.
“The Democrats have poisoned The President, but they ain’t getting me, no Sir,” said one customer, as she poured a quart of Clorox Zero into her Big Gulp. “I’m gonna be clean inside and out.”
“Crooked Hillary is spreading this virus across America,” said one gun shop owner, “and it’s only right that we’re armed should she and her Chinese army trespass on our property.”
One customer, who purchased seven semi-automatic rifles, a belt of hand grenades and a land mine told DTTN that you couldn’t be too careful when it came to Covid. Or Hillary.
The CDC has warned that there is no proof that Covid-19 can be vanquished by gun shot, or by drinking bleach, but as always, no one is listening. It’s their right, Goddamn it.