UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s Brexit strategy may seem lacking in clarity, but inside sources reveal that the Etonian shape shifter has a very definite plan.
“The PM is big on mood boards,” said a Downing Street insider. “His approach to the EU will depend on the day’s colour. Green means charming bumbler, while purple is no more bendy bananas you sausage munching Krauts!”
The mood board, which dates back to the days of Dominic Cummings, is believed to be saving white for when the dirty foreigners finally surrender as Britain is transported back to 1950’s bucolic bliss.
A second, more unconventional strategy pillar has emerged from the Johnson’s love of the movies of Jim Carrey.
“The PM has drawn great strength from his works,” said the insider. “Dumb and Dumber has been a key influence on our negotiating. Boris is especially drawn to the scene where Jim Carrey swaps the pair’s van for an underpowered scooter. Straight up swapsies.
The Mask is another favourite. Boris likes to keep Ursula von der Leyen guessing whether she’s going to get an ass honking lunatic or just a plain ass.
And for all our concerned UK citizens Liar Liar remains our go to.”