In a move inspired by Boris Johnson’s Brexit pledge, the British Association of Turkeys (BATS) is pushing forward with plans for an ‘oven ready’ Christmas.
A BATS spokesturkey declared that their membership had overwhelmingly voted 52%-48% in favour of being cooked for Christmas dinner.
“People say we’re mad, voting to be cooked, but we’re taking our cue from our heroic Prime Minister. If Mr. Johnson can voluntarily agree self-imposed economic sanctions for this great country, then we can damn well feed it!
Remoaners and social justice warriors are calling this a nihilistic path to self-destruction, but they can go fuck themselves. Rule Britannia!”
BATS members have committed to fully removing their giblets, basting themselves in butter and getting stuffed with Paxo sage and onion mix.
“Some of our younger members have called for your poncey Jamie Oliver stuffing; apricot or fig, but we ain’t ‘avin that metropolitan elite shit. If my cavity is being filled it’ll be with generations of great British tradition,” said the spokesturkey as he ladled hot butter over his head.
BATS members will present to their designated households on Christmas Eve, fully plucked and stuffed. They will pre-heat ovens on Christmas morning, before giving a stirring rendition of God Save the Queen and jumping into the roasting tin.