The greatest country on God’s green earth has done it again. Having successfully landed a Rover vehicle on Mars, the United States has spent the past 48 hours in a congratulatory state of self-fellatio.
“It’s an incredible achievement,” said a NASA spokesperson. “And shows how far human ingenuity can take us. The possibilities are endless.”
The landing has provided a fillip to a nation that has endured numerous recent struggles.
“I’ve just had a week without power in a snowstorm, and boy did this get me grinning” said one Texas resident. “Sure, we had to all huddle in a tent in the lounge for four days and eat the dog to survive, but it’s good to know the boys and girls of NASA are flying the Stars and Stripes on Mars.”
“I lost my job, which paid for my healthcare, during the pandemic,” said another proud patriot. “Now I can’t afford my insulin shots and could die at any time. At least now I can die happy knowing we’ve conquered another planet.”
The African-American community has also welcomed the landing, noting that not one single African-American has been shot or incarcerated on Mars yet.