Catholic priests are suffering performance anxiety from having deliver their sermons online, according to a church spokesman.
“Priests are like elite athletes. They thrive off the energy of the congregation. A well-received sermon or successful communion serving keeps morale high.
Now sermons have relocated online, we’ve lost the adrenaline hit, the buzz of the live crowd.”
Some priests are also fearful of receiving a poor rating from the new MassAdvisor app, which allows the faithful to rank priests out of five for mass length, tone, cleanliness and overall experience.
“Parishioners are voting with their feet and hopping from mass to mass, chasing the next high. I spoke to one gentleman who tuned into a mass from Venezuela ‘for the laugh.’ It’s very dispiriting for local priests when there’s only a handful on the Zoom.”
Some priests are struggling with the technology, leading to further levels of anxiety.
“One Father couldn’t figure out how to turn on his microphone, and did the whole sermon on mute. Poor chap drowned in one star reviews. Another Father didn’t realise he was on camera and was only in his boxers, which led to surprisingly good reviews.”
The church has called on parishioners to support their local priest’s mental health by giving them five star MassAdvisor reviews.