Prince Andrew has launched an astonishing attack on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, claiming that their explosive interview with Oprah poses a threat to the continued existence of The House of Windsor.
“It’s incredible the damage they’re doing,” said Andrew. “I would say it’s the single most outrageous event in our family’s history. I don’t know how I’ll show my face at Pizza Express after this.
As a family we’re not big on sweating, but even I felt a trickle down my shirt collar when I heard these outrageous accusations.”
Andrew denied that the Windsors had a deep seated issue with racism.
“Of course we’re not racist. The Queen enjoys a Lenny Henry joke as much as any commoner. And Charles has Stormzy on heavy rotation on Spotify.
I have met many blacks over the years at private functions, and even shook hands with some. None would go to bed with me though.”
The Queen is believed to be watching The Godfather Parts I and II before formulating a public response.
“She’s not keen on part III,” said Andrew. “The tragic death of the beautiful young female protagonist is something she can’t buy into. And it’s a bit shit.”