An Taoiseach Micheal Martin has shocked the nation by making an actual decision.
The momentous occasion occurred at Cashel service station as Martin travelled home to his native Cork.
Having already secured a rare triumph by correctly filling up his car with unleaded petrol, Martin decided to celebrate with a sweet treat. This was where his legendary critical thinking kicked in.
“Anyone who’s ever tried buying chocolate in a petrol station knows the choice can be overwhelming,” said a Fianna Fail spokesperson. “Micheal knew he had a limited window to make the right decision.”
A mere 20 minutes later An Taoiseach had ruthlessly whittled his choices down to a Mars or Twix.
“Mars has the winning combo of choc, caramel and nougat that’ll see you through to dinner. Twix has the caramel and biscuit, plus the added bonus of two separate servings,” said the spokesperson.
After a quick Zoom consultation with advisers Martin retired to his car for further contemplation. Several hours of high level self-negotiation ensued, before he confidently strode back into the shop and purchased a Kit Kat.
Opposition leaders have criticised the choice as typical Martin wafery flakiness, while government sources insist it represents multi-faceted thinking by a true leader.”